Living in a waking dream
The past few weeks have seen me going through life in a haze. It's actually quite chilling how easily a few weeks could slip idly by when work takes up so much of your time, and this is with me working from home. I shudder to think how bad it'd be if I also had to go to the office every workday. That's exactly how I lost six years of my life, stuck in a rat's wheel of working, bills, and not having enough funds left to save up for the future so I can finally move on with my life.
My team lead at work said as we all began to log off:
"Make sure to rest well, so when the new week starts, we're all refreshed!"
It was well-meaning of course. But I truly, truly despise the fact that currently, the only purpose of rest is to have the strength to continue toiling. I dont even have retirement to look forward to, that world has fallen apart. I used to be able to spend day in and day out just reading book after book after book, from everything from the qabalah to some pretty obscure Marxist philosophy, and still had the time to write essays and edit other people's work.
The trade off was that I was doing all of that while at the back of my head, the thought of being completely dependent on my family, being a freeloader, was destroying me from the inside.
Looking back over the past year, I'm surprised i was able to squeeze in the time to build a static-site generator as well as study how to set up a homeserver. Time under quarantine runs differently. I also have to admit that I've had the privilege to work from home, not having to commute 2hrs each way from work adds up to a lot of time to hone my skills. The money saved from not having to commute to the office doesn't hurt, too.
Here's hoping I'm able to put it all to good use.